I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
