Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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