Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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