Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
