Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
