I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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