my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
