Small penises have feelings too.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am mentally ready for anal.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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