I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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