just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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