Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
