I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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