well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
