Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think your dad took our porno
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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