we have pet lesbian snakes
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's blow job season.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
