you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
