This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
