I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
