addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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