My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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