I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
