Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize