something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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