My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
