I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
