Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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