He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
