He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
