I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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