To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
