dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
