Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
