Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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