Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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