I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
