There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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