So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
