apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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