I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
