So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
