just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
How's work?
Spinning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
