I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
