too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
