Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Randomize
