I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
