i don't like sucking hair
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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