finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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