This girl is more easily done than said...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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