it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is wine microwaveable?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
