alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
