ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
