Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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