Im at strip club and am horny
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
